








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 460 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 264 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 37 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2105 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,140 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1624 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1944 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 3539 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 3033 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,544,947 of utility $224 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 220 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bambam | 48% | 27 |
| #2 | Complex | 48% | 81 |
| #3 | Andy | 47% | 255 |
| #4 | MmmMushrooms | 46% | 208 |
| #5 | GOLI | 45% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | GOLI | 45% | 22 |
| #6 | ColtCalle | 45% | 203 |
| #7 | JoJo ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 42% | 123 |
| #8 | IPaRaNoMaL | 42% | 72 |
| #9 | FatsoT | 37% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JoJo ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 9 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | Andy | 4 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | ColtCalle | 3 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | Complex | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | MmmMushrooms | 2 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Andy | 522 | 0.09 | 15 min |
| #2 | JoJo ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 327 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #3 | Complex | 278 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #4 | ColtCalle | 257 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #5 | IPaRaNoMaL | 203 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Complex | +2.80 | 79 | 68 |
| #2 | GOLI | +2.25 | 73 | 61 |
| #3 | MmmMushrooms | +1.41 | 72 | 44 |
| #4 | ColtCalle | +0.06 | 75 | 57 |
| #5 | bambam | -0.21 | 52 | 73 |





