








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 194 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
1893 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,849 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1195 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1562 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 739 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1353 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $487,515 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SaKNeS♥ | 62% | 13 |
| #2 | jarpez | 60% | 10 |
| #3 | häker | 59% | 94 |
| #4 | e m m e (<3) | 56% | 18 |
| #5 | c1ku | 50% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | jarpez | 60% | 10 |
| #3 | häker | 59% | 94 |
| #4 | e m m e (<3) | 56% | 18 |
| #5 | c1ku | 50% | 40 |
| #6 | pigm8 | 49% | 154 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pigm8 | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #2 | häker | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pigm8 | 467 | 0.14 | 12 min |
| #2 | c1ku | 133 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #3 | häker | 78 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #4 | e m m e (<3) | 52 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #5 | SaKNeS♥ | 50 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SaKNeS♥ | +0.76 | 72 | 57 |
| #2 | pigm8 | +0.56 | 80 | 55 |
| #3 | PinQu | -0.31 | 79 | 59 |
| #4 | häker | -0.53 | 81 | 60 |
| #5 | c1ku | -0.54 | 79 | 65 |





