








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 268 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 102 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 76 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
1230 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,758 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1324 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1512 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 743 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 1179 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $394,003 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 45 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AldoH | 67% | 6 |
| #2 | ollɒӘ | 66% | 38 |
| #3 | Muffin | 60% | 15 |
| #4 | Elliot | 59% | 54 |
| #5 | BEGE | 53% | 111 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Malordicfire | 52% | 48 |
| #7 | Baldur | 51% | 45 |
| #8 | Montz | 50% | 6 |
| #9 | Black Charizard (Dan) | 48% | 81 |
| #10 | J | 42% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Elliot | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | J | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Black Charizard (Dan) | 253 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #2 | BEGE | 242 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #3 | Baldur | 161 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #4 | Elliot | 134 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | ollɒӘ | 94 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Montz | +2.88 | 88 | 69 |
| #2 | Houdini | +2.71 | 61 | 69 |
| #3 | Elliot | +2.16 | 84 | 59 |
| #4 | Malordicfire | +0.63 | 56 | 48 |
| #5 | ollɒӘ | +0.60 | 93 | 54 |





