










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 443 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 61 matches | ||
| Faceit | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 63 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
711 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,172 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1105 | 35% |
| Smokes | 626 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 814 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 627 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $334,818 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 389 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Squidge | 89% | 18 |
| #2 | Johncock | 86% | 14 |
| #3 | shinaro | 82% | 11 |
| #4 | SewerCrab | 80% | 5 |
| #5 | ✪ DankGasman | 78% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | shinaro | 82% | 11 |
| #4 | SewerCrab | 80% | 5 |
| #5 | ✪ DankGasman | 78% | 9 |
| #6 | bloggershnogger | 69% | 13 |
| #7 | chrxtz2k | 60% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SewerCrab | 2 | 0.0222 |
| #2 | Squidge | 1 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Johncock | 1 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | bloggershnogger | 1 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Johncock | 55 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #2 | Squidge | 51 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #3 | bloggershnogger | 48 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #4 | shinaro | 26 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | chrxtz2k | 15 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ DankGasman | +5.27 | 83 | 70 |
| #2 | shinaro | +4.21 | 89 | 55 |
| #3 | bloggershnogger | +2.96 | 71 | 76 |
| #4 | SewerCrab | +0.95 | 26 | 38 |
| #5 | Squidge | +0.56 | 81 | 73 |





