










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
225 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 201 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3 | 1% |
| Smokes | 25 | 12% |
| HE Grenades | 88 | 44% |
| Molotovs | 85 | 42% |
Our logs show you have wasted $174,750 of utility $240 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | RICKY | 67% | 9 |
| #3 | Nato_Vengeance | 45% | 29 |
| #4 | Beetle ✞ | 41% | 17 |
| #5 | darb | 38% | 26 |
| #6 | DrMcShizzHoles | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DrMcShizzHoles | 2 | 0.0097 |
| #2 | Nato_Vengeance | 1 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | darb | 1 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | Beetle ✞ | 1 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | RICKY | 1 | 0.0056 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | darb | 54 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #2 | Nato_Vengeance | 21 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #3 | RICKY | 21 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #4 | Beetle ✞ | 20 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | DrMcShizzHoles | 3 | 0.01 | 0 min |





