








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 86 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
616 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,601 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 440 | 27% |
| Smokes | 514 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 266 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 381 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $203,413 of utility $187 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 22 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xru | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | broke | 73% | 15 |
| #3 | Archibald Hasseldorf | 57% | 14 |
| #4 | P1ne1 | 55% | 42 |
| #5 | ren | 45% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | broke | 73% | 15 |
| #3 | Archibald Hasseldorf | 57% | 14 |
| #4 | P1ne1 | 55% | 42 |
| #5 | ren | 45% | 22 |
| #6 | Vellum | 0% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Archibald Hasseldorf | 5 | 0.0216 |
| #2 | P1ne1 | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | ren | 1 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | broke | 1 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | xru | 1 | 0.0111 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ren | 79 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #2 | P1ne1 | 74 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | broke | 34 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | Archibald Hasseldorf | 31 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | xru | 11 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xru | +1.95 | 84 | 67 |
| #2 | ren | +1.91 | 81 | 42 |
| #3 | broke | +1.09 | 80 | 45 |
| #4 | murph | +0.71 | 83 | 48 |
| #5 | P1ne1 | +0.13 | 79 | 52 |





