








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 169 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 23 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
503 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,274 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 535 | 24% |
| Smokes | 583 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 584 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 572 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $225,363 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 14 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | megablæster7000 | 43% | 40 |
| #10 | BigDArneBye | 40% | 5 |
| #11 | JokkiganMedKniven | 27% | 11 |
| #12 | MazziV | 22% | 9 |
| #13 | Madzm | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SO-CALLED PETE | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | 5Gpeekrun | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | JokkiganMedKniven | 1 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | Gullan | 1 | 0.0132 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | megablæster7000 | 178 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #2 | 5Gpeekrun | 152 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #3 | SO-CALLED PETE | 105 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #4 | papsh | 82 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | JokkiganMedKniven | 71 | 0.30 | 2 min |





