








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 287 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 376 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3560 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,259 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4256 | 35% |
| Smokes | 3123 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2436 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2444 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,310,715 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 695 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Ulli | 43% | 124 |
| #6 | gilli | 43% | 235 |
| #7 | King Klósett | 43% | 40 |
| #8 | Bogi | 38% | 48 |
| #9 | D34DLY | 26% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gilli | 13 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Ulli | 7 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | fudgefive_ | 4 | 0.0053 |
| #4 | Ragnaration | 4 | 0.0071 |
| #5 | Bogi | 3 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gilli | 410 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #2 | D34DLY | 161 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | Ulli | 150 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #4 | Bogi | 105 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | e1nzy | 72 | 0.11 | 3 min |





