








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 499 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 466 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4020 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,344 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4023 | 23% |
| Smokes | 6883 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 3798 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2640 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,360,604 of utility $190 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1413 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Innocent | 43% | 235 |
| #7 | King Klósett | 42% | 52 |
| #8 | Ulli | 38% | 147 |
| #9 | Bogi | 38% | 69 |
| #10 | D34DLY | 36% | 95 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ulli | 13 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Innocent | 10 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Ragnaration | 5 | 0.0051 |
| #4 | KÚNÍGÚND | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | D34DLY | 4 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Innocent | 290 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #2 | D34DLY | 214 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #3 | Ulli | 203 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #4 | KÚNÍGÚND | 169 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | Bogi | 143 | 0.10 | 4 min |





