








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 523 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 250 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2403 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,974 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 739 | 19% |
| Smokes | 649 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 1063 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1523 | 38% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,652,702 of utility $263 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 47 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | B Dog | 53% | 49 |
| #2 | Duck Daddy Jr | 53% | 112 |
| #3 | Swag Demon | 52% | 25 |
| #4 | Iluvhotmoms | 47% | 64 |
| #5 | TheAtomicTank | 44% | 192 |





