








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 186 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 264 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3195 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,025 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4841 | 35% |
| Smokes | 3390 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 3121 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2673 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $536,205 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1030 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nice Cock | 55% | 22 |
| #2 | Duck Daddy Jr | 49% | 134 |
| #3 | Obi Juan | 47% | 64 |
| #4 | B Dog | 46% | 154 |
| #5 | TheAtomicTank | 45% | 77 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Duck Daddy Jr | 10 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | B Dog | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | TheAtomicTank | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Obi Juan | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Nice Cock | 1 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Duck Daddy Jr | 144 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #2 | TheAtomicTank | 75 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #3 | B Dog | 65 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #4 | Obi Juan | 40 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Nice Cock | 27 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Iluvhotmoms | +2.13 | 61 | 65 |
| #2 | Duck Daddy Jr | +1.88 | 50 | 34 |
| #3 | Obi Juan | +0.74 | 33 | 30 |
| #4 | Nice Cock | -1.62 | 9 | 40 |
| #5 | TheAtomicTank | -2.20 | 33 | 52 |





