








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 4 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
390 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,007 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 106 | 11% |
| Smokes | 231 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 443 | 44% |
| Molotovs | 227 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $152,791 of utility $166 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jord | 67% | 6 |
| #2 | Colonel Klonker | 60% | 5 |
| #3 | Warlock | 57% | 7 |
| #4 | Dr_Wiff | 56% | 25 |
| #5 | Origorn | 50% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Alb1 | 50% | 16 |
| #9 | Wavy Gravy | 43% | 14 |
| #10 | Bug Knight | 38% | 8 |
| #11 | blob | 33% | 3 |
| #12 | Doughboy | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr_Wiff | 1 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | Wavy Gravy | 1 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | Colonel Klonker | 1 | 0.0094 |
| #4 | Origorn | 1 | 0.0112 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr_Wiff | 88 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #2 | Jord | 20 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| #3 | Wavy Gravy | 19 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #4 | Origorn | 19 | 0.21 | 0 min |
| #5 | RT | 18 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | blob | +3.46 | 67 | 55 |
| #2 | Origorn | +2.47 | 64 | 68 |
| #3 | Jackal | +1.30 | 64 | 44 |
| #4 | Jord | +0.87 | 61 | 61 |
| #5 | Wavy Gravy | +0.77 | 51 | 57 |





