








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 334 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 77 matches | ||
| Premier | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1321 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,143 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1287 | 41% |
| Smokes | 787 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 298 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 771 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $523,766 of utility $166 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 171 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spazzin | 79% | 14 |
| #2 | Squid | 71% | 17 |
| #3 | Fex | 70% | 10 |
| #4 | Rycees | 70% | 20 |
| #5 | Spawned In | 64% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Bless | 52% | 42 |
| #12 | Cain? | 50% | 8 |
| #13 | crozier | 46% | 13 |
| #14 | ᶜᵒᵐʳᵃᵈᵉ ᵐⁱˡᵏ | 44% | 16 |
| #15 | geese strangler | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | scam | 3 | 0.0118 |
| #2 | Squid | 2 | 0.0055 |
| #3 | Spazzin | 2 | 0.0074 |
| #4 | Woodzy | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Rycees | 1 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bless | 208 | 0.23 | 5 min |
| #2 | Woodzy | 159 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #3 | ✪ Vitality | 132 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #4 | xSzen | 73 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | Cain? | 67 | 0.30 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xSzen | +2.24 | 88 | 62 |
| #2 | uzi | +1.75 | 82 | 48 |
| #3 | Cain? | +1.62 | 65 | 72 |
| #4 | Woodzy | +1.47 | 83 | 51 |
| #5 | scam | +1.31 | 61 | 50 |





