








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 472 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 364 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 81 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3049 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,201 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1618 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2971 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 1547 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 2065 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,310,185 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 178 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bason Jourme | 49% | 83 |
| #2 | GothFemboy (Ow\\\) | 48% | 71 |
| #3 | Ageing Persuasion | 47% | 64 |
| #4 | NICHOMP | 44% | 43 |
| #5 | xgatt0manx | 44% | 139 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | NICHOMP | 44% | 43 |
| #5 | xgatt0manx | 44% | 139 |
| #6 | Waldorf | 43% | 58 |
| #7 | RyanM | 41% | 127 |
| #8 | Camfu22 | 30% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xgatt0manx | 16 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | Bason Jourme | 16 | 0.0089 |
| #3 | GothFemboy (Ow\\\) | 14 | 0.0094 |
| #4 | Ageing Persuasion | 14 | 0.0102 |
| #5 | RyanM | 13 | 0.0048 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xgatt0manx | 336 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #2 | GothFemboy (Ow\\\) | 314 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #3 | Ageing Persuasion | 174 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #4 | NICHOMP | 169 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | RyanM | 123 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Waldorf | +1.24 | 45 | 49 |
| #2 | RyanM | +1.06 | 52 | 33 |
| #3 | GothFemboy (Ow\\\) | +0.50 | 27 | 38 |
| #4 | Ageing Persuasion | +0.41 | 42 | 44 |
| #5 | ST Loaf | +0.35 | 50 | 43 |





