








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 651 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 141 matches | ||
| Premier | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2204 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,850 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2810 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2203 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2021 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1816 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $894,338 of utility $173 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 294 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ollie | 67% | 27 |
| #2 | ☂ TwisteD ツ | 64% | 47 |
| #3 | shmarnold | Zeus Stat Trak #227 | 57% | 28 |
| #4 | jspec | 56% | 104 |
| #5 | swi | 55% | 94 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shmarnold | Zeus Stat Trak #227 | 5 | 0.0094 |
| #2 | ☂ TwisteD ツ | 3 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | jspec | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | "lik-]X[ | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | swi | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | swi | 418 | 0.20 | 11 min |
| #2 | jzumaki | 297 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #3 | "lik-]X[ | 271 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #4 | jspec | 221 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #5 | shmarnold | Zeus Stat Trak #227 | 192 | 0.36 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | swi | +1.71 | 86 | 74 |
| #2 | The Law | +1.65 | 74 | 22 |
| #3 | JackY_b | +0.94 | 73 | 62 |
| #4 | shmarnold | Zeus Stat Trak #227 | +0.94 | 46 | 72 |
| #5 | jzumaki | +0.56 | 61 | 75 |





