








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 333 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 251 matches | ||
| Premier | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 93 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4005 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,673 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4320 | 23% |
| Smokes | 5914 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 4018 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 4421 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $675,525 of utility $83 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 367 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | unlucko | 55% | 49 |
| #9 | jspec | 54% | 274 |
| #10 | jzumaki | 52% | 227 |
| #11 | slicE | 49% | 73 |
| #12 | JackY_b | 49% | 67 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jspec | 5 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | jzumaki | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | ☂ TwisteD ツ | 4 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | curt | 3 | 0.0055 |
| #5 | JackY_b | 2 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | swi | 996 | 0.21 | 26 min |
| #2 | jzumaki | 773 | 0.15 | 23 min |
| #3 | jspec | 450 | 0.08 | 12 min |
| #4 | ☂ TwisteD ツ | 386 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #5 | JackY_b | 224 | 0.16 | 5 min |





