








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 310 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 113 matches | ||
| Faceit | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1901 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,272 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2198 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2652 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2031 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2391 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $601,348 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 285 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lance | 56% | 16 |
| #2 | Jalapiñecone | 55% | 11 |
| #3 | Kise | 55% | 11 |
| #4 | Pander | 53% | 19 |
| #5 | HuntW1ck | 50% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #18 | DENT.GG Niffrus is Daddy | 40% | 20 |
| #19 | MF_James | 36% | 11 |
| #20 | Gillionayre | 36% | 11 |
| #21 | SAV | TroyjanHorse | 33% | 12 |
| #22 | Bun | 31% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ouch | 5 | 0.0089 |
| #2 | jizzy | 3 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | DENT.GG Niffrus is Daddy | 2 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | Lance | 2 | 0.0059 |
| #5 | EndRz | 2 | 0.0072 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lax | 108 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #2 | ouch | 86 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #3 | jizzy | 79 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | ry^_^ | 77 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | intricate | 73 | 0.30 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Qlipzi | +2.80 | 82 | 86 |
| #2 | Gillionayre | +1.70 | 74 | 59 |
| #3 | Lax | +1.03 | 77 | 62 |
| #4 | Kise | +0.69 | 64 | 46 |
| #5 | SeagullChokingOnAHotDog | +0.58 | 55 | 61 |





