










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 64 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 156 matches | ||
| Faceit | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2371 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,176 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 793 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1715 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1618 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1050 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,064,294 of utility $196 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 94 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SamGC | 57% | 95 |
| #2 | TheHoneyInspector | 55% | 85 |
| #3 | chethnut | 52% | 88 |
| #4 | Bill | 51% | 150 |
| #5 | Inertia | 50% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheHoneyInspector | 589 | 0.33 | 16 min |
| #2 | Inertia | 213 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #3 | SamGC | 200 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | chethnut | 199 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #5 | Bill | 184 | 0.06 | 5 min |





