








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 825 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 916 matches | ||
| Wingman | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 74 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6366 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,744 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4072 | 21% |
| Smokes | 5561 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 5948 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 4163 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $5,229,428 of utility $253 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 47 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pika pika motherfuckers!!! | 10 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Joint | 9 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Gamle | 6 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Frégo | 6 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | KK | 6 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Frégo | 298 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #2 | Gamle | 212 | 0.03 | 5 min |
| #3 | Joint | 159 | 0.03 | 4 min |
| #4 | KK | 136 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #5 | pika pika motherfuckers!!! | 135 | 0.03 | 2 min |





