








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 238 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 469 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4004 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,010 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2743 | 20% |
| Smokes | 4972 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 1867 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 4428 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,274,736 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Frégo | 48% | 42 |
| #2 | Onkel Fester | 47% | 45 |
| #3 | pika pika motherfuckers!!! | 46% | 56 |
| #4 | Gamle | 44% | 120 |
| #5 | Joint | 42% | 99 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pika pika motherfuckers!!! | 6 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | Onkel Fester | 4 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | Hr.Kristensen | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Gamle | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | Joint | 2 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hr.Kristensen | 186 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #2 | Gamle | 75 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #3 | Joint | 64 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #4 | Frégo | 52 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | pika pika motherfuckers!!! | 39 | 0.03 | 1 min |





