








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 24 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 123 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 59 matches | ||
| Faceit | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4327 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,683 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3840 | 36% |
| Smokes | 3052 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2272 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1519 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $202,473 of utility $29 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 31 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sitam | 68% | 25 |
| #2 | n0xe | 60% | 20 |
| #3 | r3dVirus | 59% | 102 |
| #4 | Madderose | 55% | 123 |
| #5 | Avo` | 55% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Madderose | 55% | 123 |
| #5 | Avo` | 55% | 22 |
| #6 | ? dab eb i yhw | 54% | 26 |
| #7 | Brax. | 54% | 78 |
| #8 | Don Jassdecheat | 50% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Madderose | 5 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | r3dVirus | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | Brax. | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Sitam | 1 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | Avo` | 1 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Madderose | 433 | 0.17 | 12 min |
| #2 | Brax. | 319 | 0.19 | 10 min |
| #3 | r3dVirus | 292 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #4 | ? dab eb i yhw | 165 | 0.32 | 4 min |
| #5 | n0xe | 59 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oui | +4.41 | 93 | 59 |
| #2 | r3dVirus | +2.09 | 84 | 51 |
| #3 | n0xe | +0.97 | 79 | 63 |
| #4 | Sitam | +0.46 | 79 | 53 |
| #5 | Madderose | +0.35 | 64 | 68 |





