








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 311 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 60 matches | ||
| Faceit | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1617 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,223 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1378 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1377 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1083 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1385 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $633,028 of utility $206 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 431 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Scan !BurstBanjoString | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | ExampL | 69% | 42 |
| #3 | Skilly2k | 68% | 19 |
| #4 | Harper | 68% | 44 |
| #5 | Elarose | 67% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | mV | 56% | 16 |
| #12 | sarim | 48% | 56 |
| #13 | ^0^ | 48% | 21 |
| #14 | oskvr | 45% | 11 |
| #15 | ✪Horse | 43% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fett1s | 17 | 0.0116 |
| #2 | crit | 6 | 0.0162 |
| #3 | sarim | 5 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | ✪Horse | 5 | 0.0052 |
| #5 | ^0^ | 5 | 0.0113 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fett1s | 370 | 0.25 | 10 min |
| #2 | sarim | 198 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #3 | Harper | 127 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #4 | ✪Horse | 112 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | Skilly2k | 81 | 0.20 | 2 min |





