








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 470 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 317 matches | ||
| Faceit | 28 matches | ||
| Wingman | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 2 matches | ||
| Renown | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5767 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,834 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7008 | 32% |
| Smokes | 6632 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3149 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 5045 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,188,332 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1000 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Mbr | 51% | 135 |
| #6 | Gluckali - 250K | 50% | 101 |
| #7 | Mike Ermantraut | 50% | 78 |
| #8 | xTeaqah | 45% | 51 |
| #9 | General Aladean | 41% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lew | 18 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | Robot1c | 10 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | xTeaqah | 10 | 0.0091 |
| #4 | Gluckali - 250K | 8 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | General Aladean | 6 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lew | 605 | 0.18 | 17 min |
| #2 | Robot1c | 532 | 0.14 | 15 min |
| #3 | Mbr | 312 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #4 | Gluckali - 250K | 282 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #5 | Mike Ermantraut | 275 | 0.16 | 6 min |





