










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
374 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 550 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 133 | 24% |
| Smokes | 60 | 11% |
| HE Grenades | 151 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 206 | 37% |
Our logs show you have wasted $182,502 of utility $193 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 14 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Priptide | 86% | 7 |
| #2 | Dannu | 75% | 4 |
| #3 | I C Wiener XO | 47% | 38 |
| #4 | George Clooney ♿⛟♿⛟♿ | 46% | 26 |
| #5 | Serial Gooner | 33% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Priptide | 86% | 7 |
| #2 | Dannu | 75% | 4 |
| #3 | I C Wiener XO | 47% | 38 |
| #4 | George Clooney ♿⛟♿⛟♿ | 46% | 26 |
| #5 | Serial Gooner | 33% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I C Wiener XO | 7 | 0.0088 |
| #2 | George Clooney ♿⛟♿⛟♿ | 4 | 0.0072 |
| #3 | Priptide | 1 | 0.0068 |
| #4 | Serial Gooner | 1 | 0.0154 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I C Wiener XO | 138 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #2 | George Clooney ♿⛟♿⛟♿ | 24 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #3 | Priptide | 19 | 0.13 | 0 min |
| #4 | Dannu | 11 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #5 | Serial Gooner | 5 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I C Wiener XO | +1.16 | 59 | 65 |
| #2 | HelixDizzy | +0.66 | 69 | 43 |
| #3 | Priptide | +0.43 | 48 | 38 |
| #4 | George Clooney ♿⛟♿⛟♿ | +0.24 | 68 | 58 |
| #5 | Dannu | +0.21 | 49 | 42 |





