








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 12 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
218 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,139 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 286 | 25% |
| Smokes | 280 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 307 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 266 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $72,017 of utility $92 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JD | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | BagelSMITH | 75% | 4 |
| #3 | Patty P | 75% | 4 |
| #4 | Goatdom /k/ | 67% | 3 |
| #5 | DwarriorIV | 57% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Patty P | 75% | 4 |
| #4 | Goatdom /k/ | 67% | 3 |
| #5 | DwarriorIV | 57% | 7 |
| #6 | AlienJim | 50% | 2 |
| #7 | Drek | 50% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BagelSMITH | 1 | 0.0122 |
| #2 | JD | 1 | 0.0250 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DwarriorIV | 12 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #2 | Patty P | 8 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #3 | Goatdom /k/ | 7 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| #4 | Drek | 6 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | JD | 3 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Patty P | +3.69 | 66 | 66 |
| #2 | DwarriorIV | +1.81 | 75 | 64 |
| #3 | Haley Strategic | +0.31 | 58 | 56 |
| #4 | Drek | -0.33 | 64 | 37 |
| #5 | BagelSMITH | -0.68 | 52 | 33 |





