








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 235 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 381 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4467 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,999 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2429 | 16% |
| Smokes | 6142 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 3912 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2516 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,685,331 of utility $201 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 92 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ion | 72% | 67 |
| #2 | thebluegoatsings | 64% | 213 |
| #3 | Goatdom /k/ | 64% | 84 |
| #4 | Sleepneedle | 64% | 44 |
| #5 | Mikey Wikey | 60% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Mikey Wikey | 60% | 57 |
| #6 | MAGNUM LIBIDO | 54% | 101 |
| #7 | Chocolate Thunder | 50% | 107 |
| #8 | AlienJim | 40% | 73 |
| #9 | PyramidPete | 36% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | thebluegoatsings | 7 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | Chocolate Thunder | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | MAGNUM LIBIDO | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | ion | 4 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | Mikey Wikey | 3 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | thebluegoatsings | 540 | 0.13 | 15 min |
| #2 | MAGNUM LIBIDO | 229 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #3 | Chocolate Thunder | 228 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #4 | ion | 141 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | Goatdom /k/ | 125 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | thebluegoatsings | +6.88 | 82 | 68 |
| #2 | MAGNUM LIBIDO | +6.12 | 76 | 56 |
| #3 | ion | +3.77 | 84 | 53 |
| #4 | Goatdom /k/ | -0.13 | 54 | 65 |
| #5 | Chocolate Thunder | -0.76 | 60 | 53 |





