








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 429 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 361 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Faceit | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4848 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,020 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4414 | 23% |
| Smokes | 6683 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 4443 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3480 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,959,903 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 80 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Boaty McBoatface | 50% | 297 |
| #4 | 飛坦 (Feitan Porter) | 48% | 77 |
| #5 | kbs | 48% | 86 |
| #6 | Wombattle | 47% | 77 |
| #7 | Bongobernd | 43% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boaty McBoatface | 7 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | D2 Global | 6 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Bongobernd | 5 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | kbs | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | Wombattle | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boaty McBoatface | 336 | 0.05 | 11 min |
| #2 | Wombattle | 155 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | kbs | 143 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | D2 Global | 90 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #5 | 飛坦 (Feitan Porter) | 82 | 0.05 | 2 min |





