








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 240 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 306 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2409 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,287 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1571 | 14% |
| Smokes | 3908 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 2755 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 3053 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,596,810 of utility $205 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 83 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LaggBroetchen | 58% | 74 |
| #2 | Wombattle | 53% | 30 |
| #3 | D2 Global | 52% | 63 |
| #4 | Bongobernd | 51% | 183 |
| #5 | 飛坦 (Feitan Porter) | 49% | 242 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bongobernd | 6 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | ⍟ Miami Vice | 6 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | LaggBroetchen | 5 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | 飛坦 (Feitan Porter) | 4 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | azmq | 4 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 飛坦 (Feitan Porter) | 252 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #2 | ⍟ Miami Vice | 180 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #3 | Boaty McBoatface | 108 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #4 | LaggBroetchen | 96 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | azmq | 86 | 0.02 | 3 min |





