








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 486 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3499 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,088 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2219 | 18% |
| Smokes | 3596 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 4357 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 1916 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,000,952 of utility $87 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 259 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | 300KG Hamburger Gaming | 46% | 147 |
| #4 | ✪ Lykaru | 45% | 187 |
| #5 | ShanniUncoachable | 45% | 76 |
| #6 | FusSel | 45% | 244 |
| #7 | ✌FireFliesツFemale.✌~ M. | 39% | 122 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 300KG Hamburger Gaming | 20 | 0.0063 |
| #2 | ✪ Lykaru | 18 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | FusSel | 10 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | ✌FireFliesツFemale.✌~ M. | 6 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | ShanniUncoachable | 5 | 0.0030 |





