








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 379 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 137 matches | ||
| Premier | 102 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 61 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2839 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,593 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4828 | 31% |
| Smokes | 4231 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3212 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3322 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $962,419 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♥LLZ♥ | 67% | 27 |
| #2 | CW | 58% | 200 |
| #3 | FisheR | 53% | 158 |
| #4 | Vancapo | 53% | 177 |
| #5 | Utschmuu ✪ | 52% | 151 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | CW | 58% | 200 |
| #3 | FisheR | 53% | 158 |
| #4 | Vancapo | 53% | 177 |
| #5 | Utschmuu ✪ | 52% | 151 |
| #6 | Reverb | 47% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CW | 12 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | FisheR | 6 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Vancapo | 4 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Utschmuu ✪ | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Reverb | 2 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FisheR | 925 | 0.27 | 26 min |
| #2 | Utschmuu ✪ | 337 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #3 | CW | 254 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #4 | Reverb | 227 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #5 | Vancapo | 225 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CW | +1.38 | 85 | 58 |
| #2 | Terk | +0.58 | 66 | 74 |
| #3 | Utschmuu ✪ | -0.15 | 55 | 60 |
| #4 | FisheR | -0.47 | 65 | 78 |
| #5 | Vancapo | -0.56 | 69 | 58 |





