








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 128 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 180 matches | ||
| Faceit | 80 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 89 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2583 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,641 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2292 | 24% |
| Smokes | 3723 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 1929 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1697 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,174,636 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 148 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CW | 54% | 164 |
| #2 | 600 DPI Struggle | 53% | 19 |
| #3 | Terk | 52% | 151 |
| #4 | FisheR | 51% | 131 |
| #5 | Vancapo | 51% | 145 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CW | 11 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Terk | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | FisheR | 5 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Vancapo | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | Reverb | 2 | 0.0044 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Terk | 928 | 0.28 | 25 min |
| #2 | FisheR | 774 | 0.27 | 21 min |
| #3 | CW | 201 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #4 | Vancapo | 171 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #5 | Reverb | 88 | 0.19 | 2 min |





