








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 71 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 191 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2065 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,405 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1119 | 25% |
| Smokes | 841 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1387 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1058 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $598,638 of utility $111 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 224 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dood | 60% | 15 |
| #2 | Nailbag | 46% | 179 |
| #3 | Rewardz | 41% | 82 |
| #4 | sloppy cums | 36% | 66 |
| #5 | Doll Toe | 36% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Nailbag | 46% | 179 |
| #3 | Rewardz | 41% | 82 |
| #4 | sloppy cums | 36% | 66 |
| #5 | Doll Toe | 36% | 14 |
| #6 | Scipio butts | 36% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nailbag | 25 | 0.0065 |
| #2 | Rewardz | 12 | 0.0068 |
| #3 | Scipio butts | 6 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | sloppy cums | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | dood | 1 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nailbag | 557 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #2 | Rewardz | 348 | 0.20 | 8 min |
| #3 | sloppy cums | 189 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #4 | Scipio butts | 56 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Doll Toe | 23 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dood | +5.29 | 76 | 45 |
| #2 | Doll Toe | +3.07 | 72 | 63 |
| #3 | Rewardz | +1.27 | 39 | 56 |
| #4 | Dopa Meme | +0.13 | 74 | 46 |
| #5 | Scipio butts | -0.44 | 33 | 38 |





