








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 67 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 147 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2131 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,820 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1140 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1275 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1168 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1237 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $563,163 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 58 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | KING | 50% | 40 |
| #7 | Jumppi | 49% | 43 |
| #8 | ♛Osmo(Y)♛ | 46% | 24 |
| #9 | nopahanski | 43% | 89 |
| #10 | Masa | 40% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nopahanski | 21 | 0.0109 |
| #2 | Osteri0ssi | 17 | 0.0068 |
| #3 | B.B. Korhonen | 6 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | Johnny Cali | 5 | 0.0061 |
| #5 | Masa | 3 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Osteri0ssi | 201 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #2 | Johnny Cali | 143 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #3 | B.B. Korhonen | 131 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #4 | KING | 83 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | nopahanski | 53 | 0.03 | 1 min |





