








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 464 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 619 matches | ||
| Wingman | 34 matches | ||
| Faceit | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




119 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5981 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,872 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4955 | 26% |
| Smokes | 5228 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 5298 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 3391 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,129,553 of utility $71 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 600 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jumppi | 52% | 218 |
| #2 | kalle | 52% | 118 |
| #3 | B.B. Korhonen | 51% | 476 |
| #4 | Thoompsoni | 49% | 65 |
| #5 | Masa | 49% | 191 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Johnny Cali | 47% | 171 |
| #7 | nopahanski | 47% | 371 |
| #8 | KING | 46% | 282 |
| #9 | ♛Osmo(Y)♛ | 46% | 84 |
| #10 | Y0ungThug | 45% | 71 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nopahanski | 76 | 0.0097 |
| #2 | B.B. Korhonen | 21 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Johnny Cali | 18 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | Jumppi | 15 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | KING | 13 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KING | 657 | 0.11 | 20 min |
| #2 | Johnny Cali | 566 | 0.16 | 14 min |
| #3 | B.B. Korhonen | 555 | 0.06 | 15 min |
| #4 | Masa | 278 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #5 | Jumppi | 218 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kalle | +0.66 | 69 | 47 |
| #2 | Thoompsoni | +0.60 | 55 | 60 |
| #3 | Osteri0ssi | +0.51 | 63 | 51 |
| #4 | Masa | +0.41 | 71 | 47 |
| #5 | Johnny Cali | +0.17 | 36 | 60 |





