








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 136 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 17 matches | ||
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
654 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,754 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 518 | 30% |
| Smokes | 446 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 366 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 424 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $99,588 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 27 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jebelius "Old Diesel" | 100% | 3 |
| #2 | kapdu | 100% | 3 |
| #3 | tesa | 100% | 3 |
| #4 | Snifu | 75% | 4 |
| #5 | raju | 67% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jazur | 2 | 0.0068 |
| #2 | Kana | 1 | 0.0064 |
| #3 | Spawn | 1 | 0.0068 |
| #4 | masaGOD | 1 | 0.0122 |
| #5 | Snifu | 1 | 0.0137 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jazur | 62 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #2 | jolbe | 44 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #3 | Spermbank | 24 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #4 | Spawn | 24 | 0.16 | 0 min |
| #5 | virtasen pasi | 20 | 0.27 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | masaGOD | +5.63 | 86 | 80 |
| #2 | Snifu | +4.09 | 70 | 51 |
| #3 | jepö | +3.48 | 74 | 71 |
| #4 | tesa | +2.99 | 99 | 30 |
| #5 | jolbe | +2.74 | 79 | 69 |





