








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 63 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 42 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
628 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,029 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 972 | 32% |
| Smokes | 959 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 523 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 575 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $215,563 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 14 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jolbe | 65% | 26 |
| #2 | raju | 64% | 11 |
| #3 | Spermbank | 64% | 22 |
| #4 | Snifu | 63% | 8 |
| #5 | Kana | 60% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jolbe | 3 | 0.0070 |
| #2 | Tobiasnn2 | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | /Steff3n/ | 1 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Spermbank | 1 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | Kana | 1 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tobiasnn2 | 93 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #2 | jolbe | 91 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #3 | Willibam | 68 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | jepö | 50 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | /Steff3n/ | 45 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jolbe | +5.15 | 87 | 63 |
| #2 | jepö | +2.67 | 63 | 69 |
| #3 | Willibam | +1.74 | 78 | 66 |
| #4 | Snifu | +1.38 | 58 | 57 |
| #5 | Tobiasnn2 | +1.17 | 62 | 53 |





