








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 222 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 36 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
306 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,209 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 927 | 42% |
| Smokes | 829 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 239 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 214 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $61,811 of utility $41 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 114 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DefNotJenga | 47% | 17 |
| #2 | Penguinz | 46% | 37 |
| #3 | John Pork | 45% | 31 |
| #4 | Cracked 5 | 38% | 42 |
| #5 | IM jay | 32% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | IM jay | 32% | 19 |
| #6 | Cosmo | 30% | 23 |
| #7 | BOT Cummy | 29% | 21 |
| #8 | Mike Bloss, Mgr Site Engineering | 21% | 14 |
| #9 | Loco "Locked In" Lee | 0% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cracked 5 | 9 | 0.0098 |
| #2 | IM jay | 5 | 0.0121 |
| #3 | John Pork | 4 | 0.0059 |
| #4 | Mike Bloss, Mgr Site Engineering | 4 | 0.0148 |
| #5 | Penguinz | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cracked 5 | 268 | 0.29 | 10 min |
| #2 | John Pork | 180 | 0.27 | 4 min |
| #3 | IM jay | 129 | 0.31 | 3 min |
| #4 | Penguinz | 120 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #5 | BOT Cummy | 104 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cracked 5 | +3.31 | 62 | 76 |
| #2 | Loco "Locked In" Lee | +2.62 | 54 | 56 |
| #3 | BOT Cummy | +1.61 | 54 | 66 |
| #4 | John Pork | +0.72 | 37 | 65 |
| #5 | IM jay | -0.75 | 33 | 58 |





