








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 865 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 527 matches | ||
| Faceit | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 186 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5573 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,963 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6756 | 29% |
| Smokes | 5826 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 5214 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 5167 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,078,605 of utility $231 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 187 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DeagJr | 65% | 49 |
| #2 | b0bbyB | 56% | 50 |
| #3 | Koala Jesus | 54% | 172 |
| #4 | Wetahded turdle | 46% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DeagJr | 65% | 49 |
| #2 | b0bbyB | 56% | 50 |
| #3 | Koala Jesus | 54% | 172 |
| #4 | Wetahded turdle | 46% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Koala Jesus | 8 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | b0bbyB | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | DeagJr | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Wetahded turdle | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Koala Jesus | 508 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #2 | b0bbyB | 153 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #3 | DeagJr | 149 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #4 | Wetahded turdle | 104 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wetahded turdle | +2.20 | 45 | 70 |
| #2 | Koala Jesus | +1.67 | 74 | 61 |
| #3 | DeagJr | +1.17 | 37 | 68 |
| #4 | b0bbyB | +0.31 | 73 | 54 |
| #5 | Floady | +0.29 | 64 | 67 |





