








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 652 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 890 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7795 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,934 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6707 | 42% |
| Smokes | 2663 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 4992 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1572 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,300,435 of utility $219 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2180 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | BustMaxxing | 49% | 65 |
| #4 | Direkt 直接 | 48% | 142 |
| #5 | jL_Panda | 46% | 69 |
| #6 | Fenty Wap | 44% | 61 |
| #7 | tipsy tomato | 43% | 174 |





