








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 244 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1464 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,644 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1031 | 28% |
| Smokes | 961 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 701 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 951 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $582,532 of utility $218 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 158 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | MASSIVE FUTA DIHH | 53% | 51 |
| #12 | Leo | 52% | 27 |
| #13 | Chase | 38% | 8 |
| #14 | Neb | 14% | 7 |
| #15 | JTA | 0% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MASSIVE FUTA DIHH | 8 | 0.0073 |
| #2 | blobby | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Jp | 1 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | Chase | 1 | 0.0061 |
| #5 | Neb | 1 | 0.0067 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MASSIVE FUTA DIHH | 143 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #2 | Leo | 141 | 0.24 | 4 min |
| #3 | Sorry | 138 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #4 | blobby | 97 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #5 | garlic bread (30 hz monitor) | 52 | 0.12 | 1 min |





