








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
729 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,267 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 824 | 25% |
| Smokes | 870 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 755 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 818 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $318,187 of utility $145 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jusis | 55% | 22 |
| #2 | cow | 54% | 54 |
| #3 | ✪EdZk | 53% | 85 |
| #4 | Diddler | 52% | 27 |
| #5 | Snyrz | 52% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Diddler | 52% | 27 |
| #5 | Snyrz | 52% | 29 |
| #6 | peepeeinurpooper | 51% | 68 |
| #7 | lepu | 43% | 7 |
| #8 | 何かたわごと | 41% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cow | 6 | 0.0052 |
| #2 | peepeeinurpooper | 5 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | ✪EdZk | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Snyrz | 2 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | Diddler | 1 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪EdZk | 390 | 0.21 | 10 min |
| #2 | cow | 208 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #3 | Snyrz | 107 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #4 | peepeeinurpooper | 98 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | 何かたわごと | 90 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lepu | +3.17 | 66 | 76 |
| #2 | Jusis | +2.07 | 80 | 59 |
| #3 | ✪EdZk | +1.35 | 81 | 63 |
| #4 | Wilsumeister | +0.58 | 79 | 60 |
| #5 | 何かたわごと | +0.54 | 59 | 58 |





