








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 110 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
651 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,792 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 888 | 32% |
| Smokes | 707 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 812 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 385 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $200,022 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jusis | 55% | 11 |
| #2 | ✪EdZk | 54% | 57 |
| #3 | Wilsumeister | 52% | 29 |
| #4 | Diddler | 50% | 10 |
| #5 | peepeeinurpooper | 46% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Wilsumeister | 52% | 29 |
| #4 | Diddler | 50% | 10 |
| #5 | peepeeinurpooper | 46% | 35 |
| #6 | cow | 43% | 23 |
| #7 | 何かたわごと | 43% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪EdZk | 4 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | cow | 4 | 0.0078 |
| #3 | peepeeinurpooper | 3 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | Wilsumeister | 2 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | 何かたわごと | 2 | 0.0120 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪EdZk | 292 | 0.24 | 7 min |
| #2 | cow | 95 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #3 | Wilsumeister | 67 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | peepeeinurpooper | 61 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | 何かたわごと | 39 | 0.23 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪EdZk | +1.81 | 79 | 62 |
| #2 | Jusis | +1.43 | 72 | 62 |
| #3 | Wilsumeister | +0.08 | 79 | 63 |
| #4 | Snyrz | +0.05 | 72 | 64 |
| #5 | 何かたわごと | -0.52 | 54 | 64 |





