








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 750 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 506 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 24 matches | ||
| Wingman | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8867 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,871 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3787 | 24% |
| Smokes | 3004 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 4839 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 4241 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,456,130 of utility $200 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 384 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Klosteinkoster | 56% | 62 |
| #2 | Stan the Man | 56% | 99 |
| #3 | HnTr | 55% | 313 |
| #4 | Lachkopf | 55% | 220 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Klosteinkoster | 56% | 62 |
| #2 | Stan the Man | 56% | 99 |
| #3 | HnTr | 55% | 313 |
| #4 | Lachkopf | 55% | 220 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HnTr | 7 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | Lachkopf | 5 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HnTr | 834 | 0.13 | 21 min |
| #2 | Lachkopf | 357 | 0.08 | 11 min |
| #3 | Stan the Man | 223 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #4 | Klosteinkoster | 12 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | evil | +2.13 | 87 | 48 |
| #2 | Stan the Man | +0.51 | 91 | 68 |
| #3 | HnTr | +0.41 | 59 | 70 |
| #4 | Lachkopf | -1.05 | 59 | 69 |
| #5 | Klosteinkoster | -1.20 | 68 | 37 |





