








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 449 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 163 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5089 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,729 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5669 | 29% |
| Smokes | 4477 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 4801 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 4782 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,306,687 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 110 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | evil | 55% | 313 |
| #2 | Stan the Man | 55% | 132 |
| #3 | Lachkopf | 54% | 152 |
| #4 | Klosteinkoster | 54% | 80 |
| #5 | Dank Giraffe | 53% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Stan the Man | 55% | 132 |
| #3 | Lachkopf | 54% | 152 |
| #4 | Klosteinkoster | 54% | 80 |
| #5 | Dank Giraffe | 53% | 47 |
| #6 | toqler | 53% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | evil | 5 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | Lachkopf | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | Stan the Man | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #4 | Dank Giraffe | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stan the Man | 331 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #2 | Lachkopf | 296 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #3 | evil | 261 | 0.04 | 6 min |
| #4 | toqler | 81 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | Dank Giraffe | 38 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | evil | +2.41 | 88 | 46 |
| #2 | HnTr | +1.21 | 62 | 69 |
| #3 | Stan the Man | +1.17 | 91 | 65 |
| #4 | Klosteinkoster | -0.90 | 67 | 42 |
| #5 | Lachkopf | -0.95 | 57 | 72 |





