








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 12 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 5 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
203 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 148 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 94 | 64% |
| Smokes | 22 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 20 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 12 | 8% |
Our logs show you have wasted $36,200 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dreams! | 50% | 8 |
| #2 | Noid | 22% | 9 |
| #3 | PostgreSQL | 10% | 10 |
| #4 | za | 0% | 2 |
| #5 | redsnakeii | 0% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Noid | 22% | 9 |
| #3 | PostgreSQL | 10% | 10 |
| #4 | za | 0% | 2 |
| #5 | redsnakeii | 0% | 4 |
| #6 | marky_ember | 0% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noid | 1 | 0.0054 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noid | 28 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #2 | PostgreSQL | 23 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #3 | za | 17 | 0.35 | 1 min |
| #4 | Dreams! | 11 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | za | +4.59 | 87 | 72 |
| #2 | Merlin | +1.35 | 66 | 40 |
| #3 | Noid | -0.21 | 65 | 70 |
| #4 | Dreams! | -0.71 | 59 | 45 |
| #5 | PostgreSQL | -3.39 | 41 | 52 |





