








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1 achievement has been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1006 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,011 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 621 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1040 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 691 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 659 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $262,559 of utility $98 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | knudesen | 50% | 8 |
| #8 | Hugh Mungus | 48% | 23 |
| #9 | The green oompa loompa | 46% | 28 |
| #10 | AnimeTittiesBestT!tties | 44% | 9 |
| #11 | Dusty1nc | 43% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hugh Mungus | 3 | 0.0066 |
| #2 | The green oompa loompa | 2 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | Lil Minutnudel | 2 | 0.0053 |
| #4 | Upsekrat | 1 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | LassT | 1 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Whiffmaestro | 43 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #2 | Lil Minutnudel | 37 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | Hugh Mungus | 34 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | Dusty1nc | 33 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Upsekrat | 32 | 0.08 | 1 min |





