








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 129 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
541 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,191 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 268 | 23% |
| Smokes | 510 | 43% |
| HE Grenades | 198 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 215 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $143,409 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HEE HEE HAA HAA | 50% | 4 |
| #2 | -4- | 50% | 6 |
| #3 | Frajer | 47% | 17 |
| #4 | 𝓹𝓲𝓰𝓮𝓸𝓷 | 47% | 15 |
| #5 | Raz3r_Dildo | 43% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | DURK | 34% | 41 |
| #9 | ZawaWava | 33% | 21 |
| #10 | NiqqaBalls | 30% | 10 |
| #11 | xiaojie | 25% | 8 |
| #12 | Eighthour | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | char | 10 | 0.0158 |
| #2 | bONGO | 5 | 0.0296 |
| #3 | HEE HEE HAA HAA | 5 | 0.0556 |
| #4 | Frajer | 3 | 0.0085 |
| #5 | DURK | 2 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DURK | 116 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #2 | char | 56 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | Raz3r_Dildo | 26 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #4 | 𝓹𝓲𝓰𝓮𝓸𝓷 | 22 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | xiaojie | 22 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -4- | +6.90 | 86 | 53 |
| #2 | HEE HEE HAA HAA | +4.75 | 50 | 44 |
| #3 | Guts | +1.22 | 69 | 43 |
| #4 | char | +0.62 | 52 | 52 |
| #5 | DURK | -0.00 | 59 | 51 |





