








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 55 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 46 matches | ||
| Faceit | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1254 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,140 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 788 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1338 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 897 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1117 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $357,342 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 52 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WAX | Bread | 57% | 7 |
| #2 | kirby | 50% | 10 |
| #3 | Felix "Noodles" Lotionstein | 50% | 80 |
| #4 | WAX | GreaterNorway | 50% | 80 |
| #5 | WAX | Absolute Unit | 47% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | kirby | 50% | 10 |
| #3 | Felix "Noodles" Lotionstein | 50% | 80 |
| #4 | WAX | GreaterNorway | 50% | 80 |
| #5 | WAX | Absolute Unit | 47% | 19 |
| #6 | Pacswam | 31% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WAX | GreaterNorway | 11 | 0.0063 |
| #2 | Felix "Noodles" Lotionstein | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | Pacswam | 2 | 0.0054 |
| #4 | WAX | Absolute Unit | 1 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Felix "Noodles" Lotionstein | 566 | 0.33 | 15 min |
| #2 | WAX | GreaterNorway | 109 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #3 | WAX | Absolute Unit | 64 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #4 | Pacswam | 39 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | kirby | 21 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kirby | +2.85 | 63 | 35 |
| #2 | ✪ toothless-1k | +1.54 | 49 | 56 |
| #3 | WAX | GreaterNorway | -0.02 | 49 | 29 |
| #4 | Pacswam | -0.71 | 72 | 59 |
| #5 | Felix "Noodles" Lotionstein | -0.74 | 28 | 62 |





