








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2197 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 340 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 241 matches | ||
| Premier | 225 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 179 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 114 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 109 matches | ||
| Faceit | 101 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 94 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 149 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




85 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
17633 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,656 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7063 | 30% |
| Smokes | 5220 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 5565 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 5808 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,569,488 of utility $48 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1972 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | LovelyNeon | 49% | 101 |
| #10 | BigJimmy(BunBun) | 45% | 454 |
| #11 | ♱ACE♱ | 44% | 113 |
| #12 | -MissBehavin | 43% | 153 |
| #13 | KingCloyster | 41% | 85 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Desi | 1900 | 0.13 | 47 min |
| #2 | JONCH | 1665 | 0.24 | 42 min |
| #3 | ♥David^ॐ | 1259 | 0.22 | 24 min |
| #4 | Slayer | 522 | 0.18 | 12 min |
| #5 | pantsONfire | 472 | 0.07 | 10 min |





