








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 266 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 141 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 41 matches | ||
| Faceit | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 22 matches | ||
| Wingman | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3431 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,019 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 222 | 2% |
| Smokes | 4385 | 49% |
| HE Grenades | 2156 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2256 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $938,141 of utility $67 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 85 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | pantsONfire | 43% | 462 |
| #10 | ♱ACE♱ | 42% | 89 |
| #11 | Slayer | 40% | 47 |
| #12 | BigJimmy(BunBun) | 40% | 144 |
| #13 | jae | 37% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Desi | 15 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | pantsONfire | 13 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | olpse | 8 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | JONCH | 6 | 0.0051 |
| #5 | xK | 4 | 0.0012 |





